My busy brain

My brain never really shuts down. It’s always thinking… It’s a problem I’ve always had. But since Jordan was born, it’s full of so many new things. I start thinking about what I need to do for both kids, the house, my marriage, my job, my health, my dogs… And I try to think of solutions to whatever is bothering me.

My feeling about my world is so different with Jordan’s arrival. I used to kind of know the challenges I faced as a parent of a new baby… But I’m living in a new kind of infant world. And it’s hard when there’s no one else around who can say they’ve been there and know how to help me. I’m encouraged that the PM&R doctor that we met with this week was kind enough to give me an update via email this morning. It’s Saturday. I appreciate that a lot.

The update: We have an OT appointment later this month with someone local who is interested in pediatric OT. He’s still working on finding a PT. And I’m searching too. I have a few people who have connections to the PT world in St. Louis and I’m very willing to head over to Uncle Barry’s house and go to appointments in or around the city. I am committed to getting the girl a prosthetic early to help her roll over… sit up… and eventually crawl. I really don’t want her to skip that milestone and move directly to walking.

I’m tired, but it’s not because Jordan is waking me. She is consistently sleeping at least 11 hours. I’m tired because I have the need to do things. Clean a little, search the web a little, chat online with friends, call a family member and chat. Suddenly, it’s late and I still have to pump before bed (or else I wake up in the morning VERY uncomfortable). I know myself, and I don’t want to run myself down when I return to work. But it will be really hard not to.

I wouldn’t give up being a parent for the world. I wouldn’t give up this experience with Jordan for the world. But I just wish there was a little time here or there when I could turn off my brain and get real rest.