It's the little things
Kathryn returns with another post on her view as an adult with a limb difference. You can see previous posts here and here.
I knew months ago that I wanted to write about the “little things” that get to me but also make me proud to be an adult with a limb difference. I smiled when I saw Jen had written a post with the same title a couple of years ago. I imagine many people think that having a limb difference is a HUGE thing because they cannot imagine their own lives without an arm or leg, but for me, it is no big deal. Instead, it’s the little things that remind me I am unique.
There are inevitably things that bother me about having a limb difference. One of them is shaking hands. Since I was born without my right arm in a (very) right-handed world, I cannot shake someone’s hand the “correct” way. As a lawyer, I am frequently in situations where hand shaking is important. Add a beverage or plate of food at a social function and you have a recipe for a potentially awkward moment. Why can’t we address people like the French do? A nice peck on each cheek. Hands free salutations! Since we are not in France, I do the best I can and hope people don’t think twice about the fact that I just shook their right hand with my left. Or, depending on the situation, I just tell the person up front that I have a prosthetic.
Another little thing I wish I could do is pick up my son, toss him in the air, and catch him with two hands. I know it doesn’t make me less of a mom in any way that I can’t, but when my husband does it, my son gets a look of sheer glee on his face while he giggles. Fortunately, there are dozens of other things I CAN do that also cause my son to giggle, and I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. I also wish I could hold him while I cook, because he loves to see what I am doing. He loves to watch the bubbles when the water boils, gets curious about what I am slicing or mixing, and generally just wants to see everything. I will often pick him up so he can see what’s happening, but have to put him back down again to stir, chop, etc.
On the flip side, one of the little things that makes me proud of my limb difference is that I type really fast with one hand. Really wicked fast (ask anyone who has ever worked with me). I think it is one of my very few natural talents and I am grateful to God for such a blessing. I say it’s a “natural” talent because when I took a typing class in elementary school, I learned to manipulate the keys “my way” with relative ease. I spend a solid 85 percent of my time typing for work, so it is a very handy gift (pun intended). Thank goodness for fast-typing fingers!
Another little thing is my ability to crack an egg with one hand (without getting shells in the bowl!). I love to bake when I can find the time, and baking requires many eggs. I frankly don’t know why anyone would need two hands to break an egg, but I’m glad I can do it.
I’m curious to know what other people consider to be the “little things” about living with a limb difference?
Hi Kathryn,
I’m a parent of a daughter with a limb difference. I am so happy for your posts from an adult’s
point of view with a limb difference. My daughter will be 21 in September….which is unbelievable for me. I have witnessed a few things for my daughter that I know are frustrating for her. A most recent one was over the Memorial Day weekend. She no longer wears a prosthesis and it is difficult for her to cut her food without her fork slipping and flying off the table. She’s so very capable in many aspects in life. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to accept but I think it’s difficult for a Mom to watch her child struggle regardless of a limb difference.
Looking forward to your next post.
Take care
I’m an adult with a limb difference, but I’m missing a leg, not an arm. One of the things I’m jealous of, when I watch two legged people, is the ability to squat. Between muscle weakness and the bulk of my prosthetic leg around the knee area, squatting is not in my bag of tricks.
Just the other day I watched as my husband squatted in front of the open fridge door, to figure out what we should eat for dinner. It just baffles me, how easily he just lowers himself down like that. I’ve never known that feeling and it makes me a bit jealous!
Love your post. It makes us all be a bit more thankful for the things we *can* do, that others would love to be able to do. 🙂
Hi Kathryn,
My 16-month-old daughter was born without her left hand, and my mom and I were just speculating about how she’ll be able to cut her food, which was brought up by the first poster. How do you do it?
I’m sure there are others who can answer this, as well.
Allison, Jordan has found a few foods where she can hold the fork in place with her little arm and use her right hand to cut food. We’re also purchasing a one-handed knife with the help of our county family services program… I promise to do a post on the knife once we get it. I bet Kathryn has some tips too!
Hi Kathryn, I too have a limb difference on the right side and the shaking hands is a very awkward one! I either have to look dumb by producing my left hand or thrust my prosthetic at them and watch the look of shock on their face!! 😀
I have a two month old that was born with a right hand difference. Shaking hands has been a worry for me. I appreciate that you addressed this. Your post was so uplifting from a moms perspective.
Allison Davis, you might like the “Doing Stuff One-Handed” video section of this website:
http://www.livingonehanded.com/category/videos/
I love this! Thanks, Tom!
I so relate to this article! I too was born with a limb difference. I was born missing my right hand. I totally understand the hand shaking dilemma & have gotten those looks many times. I’m happy I found this site & can meet others with limb differences. We were all “Born Just Right”!!
Oh and I too can type 90 wpm & I quilt, crochet & am a textile artist. My one little thing I wish I could do, although it’s nothing really, is link my fingers together with both hands. Silly, huh! lol My brothers use to draw a face on the end of my arm & my Grandmother called my arm Suzy. She’s known throughout our family & friends. I always loved having “Suzy”! 😉
I’m SO glad you found Born Just Right, Lyn. I love hearing your stories! Jordan sometime is sad about the hand linking too… so she comes to me and asks to link to my fingers. I think it’s super sweet.
Thank you for the comments! Allison, I tend to cut my food with my fork if it is soft enough, or hope to have a very sharp knife for things like steak. When I chop/slice fruits and veggies, I make sure I have a cutting board that won’t move and I steadily use the knife to cut… I’m not sure how to explain it except that I have done it so many times, it has become second nature. If I cut something that might roll away from me, I use my prosthetic hand to hold it in place or my little arm. Steak is the toughest thing for me.
Lyn, my other biggest “little” thing is not being able to clap. I would LOVE to be able to clap like a maniac when someone I care about accomplishes something, or at my son’s future sporting, etc. events.
Jen, I will definitely look into a one-handed knife!
Thanks, guys. I had seen Living One Handed but never noticed that particular video. There you go!
I can understand how you feel about not being able to clap. My daughter is already quite proficient at clapping with her one and the end of her other arm.
Great to see these comments!
Does anyone ever wonder why they say we are “one armed”? I have two arms, one hand! Just a pet peeve I guess. 😉 Thanks Kathryn for this article & Jen for sharing!!
That’s an excellent question, Lyn. I’ve tried to educate as many journalists as I can since we usually hear it in the media. Luckily, I used to work in journalism and I have been able to get some websites and newscasts where the journalist says or writes “one handed” instead of “one armed.” But we have a lot more educating to do! Here’s a little rant I made a while back about this: http://www.bornjustright.org/2011/05/should-i-be-annoyed/
Thanks Jen! Love the story! I do get a bit annoyed with this issue but understand that people just don’t realize what they said or understand how we feel. My family still says it sometimes but I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I don’t say anything. Guess I should.
I do think it’s a personal choice… Some limb different folks are totally cool with saying “one arm.” But to me, unless you really only have one arm, that second arm is really helpful and deserves credit for its existence!! 🙂
I so agree with you Jen!
For me, since I am above the elbow, I think it’s more accurate for me to say I have one arm than one hand. But I am very grateful to the creators of Finding Nemo because Nemo’s “little fin” or “lucky fin” is so cute and easy for kids to understand. I have found that as an adult, explaining my limb difference to kids can be tricky because they don’t readily understand how someone could have “one” arm. A child many months ago asked me what it was like to have one arm and I told him it was no different than the things that set him apart from other people. I used the example of him being a boy and his friend (who was with him) being a girl.
Hi,
I just found this blog and was glad to read from other people “like me”. I’m an 18 year old girl born without her left hand. Most of the time I feel the same way as you do, like it’s no big deal, but of course sometimes I just get really annoyed when I can’t do something or when I look at myself in the mirror and just think the difference between both of my arms is ugly.
My little things, the ones that make me happy of being one-handed, are when people just forget it. Sometimes if I just ask for help they can be like “do it yourself, why should I do that for you?” and then realise that they did forgot about my difference.
I’ve also learned to accept the way people look at me (I do not have a prosthetic hand) and sometimes I even play with it. Like if someone is just staring too much and I get fed up I begin staring at them with big eyes. Or sometimes when I’m bored I even put up my sleeve so that people are more likely to notice my arm and I observe their reactions 😉
I also love the way some people are kind to me and helpful even though they don’t know me. It changes from the mean remarks that I’ve heard from other people.
I type very fast too (also using my arm) and can break eggs 😉
Oh, and about you wishing American people did the same as French people… Well I’m French and it’s my left-hand but still I’ve had some trouble with hand shaking 😉 And you say you’re a lawyer and I believe that people when working shake hands and do not kiss. So your problem is universal 😉
Thanks for having written those messages here, I’m also going to read the one about being a mother, it helps forgetting some fears that I sometimes have about getting older one-handed.
Thanks so much for sharing your little things. I’m so glad you found Born Just Right.